Thoughts in Words

It's been months since the day we decided to leave 'us' and everyday, without fail, I still think of him. I still think why we ended up this way when all we ever wanted is a happy ending. People around me start noticing as we tend to keep the reasons private. The less I reveal, the more people wonder. Few questions arise these few weeks from people around me.

1. Are you guys still together?
2. Do you still love him?
3. You can't forget him huh?

Few times I've been asked and each time, I turned speechless. To be honest, not because I want to dodge the question especially the first question as in the first place I can't put my thoughts in words. When I just keep quiet, people asked, "do you still love him?". It's different with that question as without any doubt. I answered yes, I still love him. Then again, pop up another question, "you can't forget him huh?". I answered, I'll remember him my whole life.

By reading this, you guys might think that I still want him. I still hope for us. I still expect that we end up together at the end of the day. Let me tell you guys that you are totally wrong. Me, saying I still love him & I'll remember him my whole life doesn't reflect that I still want him or I still hope that we end up together one fine day.

What I'm going to say is what I really feel deep in my heart. I loved him and she loved me but it wasn't that simple. Sometimes, love is not enough for us both to stay with each other. For some reasons, we say goodbye and love remained. Yes, I still love him. Why? True, six years is just how time flies but to us, we've been through ups and down. We both saw each other at our worst and stay with each other at our best. In those years, he's a man that is too kind, he's a man of his words, he's a man I could trust without any doubt, he's a man who forgives me no matter how much pain I put him through, he's a man who keeps loving me more than I deserve and he's a man who listens to my endless drama and problems without complaining even once in those roller coaster years.

So, tell me, how could I unloved such a noble man? He's too kind to be unloved and that's why I still love him without fail. True, I used to pray that may Allah lead us both to a marriage but now, I  pray that Allah will guide him and protects his heart for a woman that deserve his love and that woman is definitely not me. I know and I believe he'll be the man I knew he could be.

Why I said I'll remember him my whole life? He's a man who makes me see man are not all the same and teaches me how to judge a man by their character and attitudes. Alhamduliilah, I don't go out with random people, I don't text random people. I listened well to my heart before I decided to get to know someone new. Say what you want to say but I'm not playing hard to get but I make myself hard to get as I'm not interested with games and I know my worth.

It's a lot already for now and it'll be the last. So, I hope people understand that loving him still doesn't mean that there's still hope in me. As I am praying that we both heal and may Allah shows us the reason behind everything. If you're reading this, I know you will. Be patience okay? Trust your heart and keep on believing that Allah knows better.

That's all. Peace.